I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
