The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
