just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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