it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
