my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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