I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
