Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
they need to just BURY HIM!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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