We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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