'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
