It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
