Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
