If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
