when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
