The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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