just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
