Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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