he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
