It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
