if you like me you must not know who I am
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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