Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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