It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
