You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
