why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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