ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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