Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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