sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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