I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
