Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
