i would punch a child for taco bell
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
