god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
