on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
