What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
