I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize