throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
