Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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