So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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