she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
