I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
