Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
