but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
