I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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