We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
