Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
