Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
