To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
