The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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