3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
