evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
