i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
