My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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