only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
