Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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