im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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