and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
