hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You can't special order awesome
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
