I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
