I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
