(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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