what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize