FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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