Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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