I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
