More tranny stories later!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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