Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
