I want to make a zoo with you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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