so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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