So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
