tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i came on her dog
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize