batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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