I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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