I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
