well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
