capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
